More Secrets of Consulting

Highlights

• My definition of consulting is the art of influencing people at their request.

• The person is the product. Working on becoming a more authentic, whole person is the best business strategy. We are selling an intangible service, so clients have no way of knowing what they will be getting and whether they can derive value from what they get. …The more direct we are, the better human contact we make, the more centered and self aware we are, the more likely the client will see us a someone who they can lean on, someone who delivers on promises, someone they can learn from.

• Anything not worth doing is not worth doing right.

• Don’t be rational; be reasonable.

• If they’re absolutely sure it’s not there, it’s probably there. Polanski’s Pointer tells me what doors to open, and a corollary tells me which ones not to bother with: Don’t bother looking where everyone is pointing.

• Consultants are hired for knowing what others don’t know, so a consultant who stops learning soon decays in value. On the other hand, the less you know, the less likely you are to threaten your clients with change, so maybe you can become a “safe” consultant—one who offers no danger of changing the client’s status quo.

• Later, I reflected on the deep lesson underlying all these lullaby words. In effect, they are designed to discourage feedback by putting both the speaker’s and the listener’s minds to sleep. And no feedback means that the meaning of the statement containing a lullaby word cannot be clarified. And, if it’s not clarified, it can mean almost anything—and that’s always the beginning of trouble.

• I suppose that many consultants seem afraid of confessing ignorance on any subject, but that just doesn’t bother me. What I fear is being ignorant and getting caught pretending I’m not.

• If your fear of doing A is greater than your fear of going by the book, then you go by the book. And since people are almost never punished for going by the book, the incentive for doing A must be very large, or the fear of doing A must be very small.

• Don’t read other people’s minds; read your own. Don’t worry about your wishes being feasible until you know what they are. Don’t worry about your wishes being reasonable until you know what they are. Don’t worry about your wishes being acceptable until you know what they are. Pay attention to what you’re doing and not doing as a clue to what you really want. Pay attention to your feelings as a guide to what you want and don’t want. Don’t worry that you might not get what you want; you’ll have plenty of time to worry when and if it happens. Don’t settle for less in advance of the settling. Don’t set any limit on the number of things you’re allowed to want. Remember that you can negotiate openly with the other people involved. You don’t have to do their negotiating for them. They have Wishing Wands, too.

• Don’t read other people’s minds; read your own. Don’t worry about your wishes being feasible until you know what they are. Don’t worry about your wishes being reasonable until you know what they are. Don’t worry about your wishes being acceptable until you know what they are. Pay attention to what you’re doing and not doing as a clue to what you really want. Pay attention to your feelings as a guide to what you want and don’t want. Don’t worry that you might not get what you want; you’ll have plenty of time to worry when and if it happens. Don’t settle for less in advance of the settling. Don’t set any limit on the number of things you’re allowed to want. Remember that you can negotiate openly with the other people involved. You don’t have to do their negotiating for them. They have Wishing Wands, too.

• If you’re too much like your clients, you don’t attract them; but if you’re too different, you frighten them away.

• Some people do not wish to look in a marvelous mirror.

• The part requiring the most consistent repair or replacement will be housed in the most inaccessible location.

• First center yourself. Second, enter the other person’s emotional system. Third, move to problem solving that will turn the situation.

• A clue I find more helpful than direct logic is the awareness of illogic—that others are reacting to me in surprising ways, ways that do not seem to follow from the logic of the situation. That’s because if I’m acting incongruently, I’m likely to trigger incongruent reactions in others.

• The Egg reminds me that I have everything I need to grow. It also reminds me that nothing is immutably programmed into my mind—except its programmability. The ability of my mind to program itself is a far greater ability than any particular programming. Each of us has innumerable unknown programs hidden inside of us. They cannot be erased, but they can always be supplemented by new programs. That’s where Virginia’s Principle of Addition comes from. I don’t try to subtract my poor time-management programs; instead, I add some better time-management programs that I can call upon when time management is important to me. When it’s not important, I can still call upon my old, poor, time-management programs, whatever they are. As my Egg reminds me, the choice is always mine.

• The Feather represents my ability to tickle myself and others, and not take things, or myself, too seriously.

• So there I had it—two opposite laws deriving from identical experiences. On the one hand, there’s Fanny’s Frowning Fatalism: In the end, nothing matters. On the other, there’s Felicity’s Feather Philosophy: Since nothing matters in the end, it doesn’t matter if I pretend that it does matter.

• It’s not that the project doesn’t fit the plan, it’s that the plan doesn’t fit the project.